Destiny – The Story


I am now 30 or so hours in to Destiny (I only bought it in the sale a few weeks back so shush, see why here) and I have, genuinely, no clue what the game is on about at any one time.

It’s the most amazing thing. All of the storyline, all of the characters, all of the flavour text, all of the places I’m asked to visit, not one single jot of it has made even the vaguest of coherent sense to me. And you know what? I love it all the more for that.

I don’t want to know what happened in production for the game to end up this way. I don’t want to know why it’s a string of nonsensical babble that keeps taking stabs at things being very important because they have very important sounding names, I don’t want to know how it got to a point where I have no idea who any of these people are, what their motivations are or why I need to shoot this dude they’re asking me to shoot in the face this time.

I genuinely don’t care how it got this way because I’m loving it for what it is. It’s like Fulci decided to take on a videogame, it’s that disjointed and boggling.

I keep getting these ‘cards’ flashing up at the bottom of the screen telling me to go to Bungie’s site, one of the few times the game is telling me to go somewhere that isn’t imbued with some ridiculously magnificent sounding name that turns out to be a dude in a cave again. The cards are to fill out the gaps in the lore, the story of the game and its world but I don’t want that. I’m happily baffled by the game asking me to take down the Immortal Chuff Of Wyngarde or instructing me to take a strike team to the moon to stop the Bleeding Heart Of Tory England before it seeps into the sexual fluids of a dog or whatever.


Each time a stage starts, I end up somewhere between squinting at the screen trying to fathom out what Destiny is on about now and genuinely laughing out loud at its madness. It fits, for me, beautifully with the daft pulp nature of Destiny. For all the vast sums of money spent on it, it’s a B-Movie game relying on bang and clatter to distract from its cardboard sets. It’s a beautiful game, it’s an incredibly enjoyable to play game but there’s so little gluing it all together that it always feels like you’re one mission away from it all tipping over. Of course, it never does. It’s saved by an almost Michael Bay-ish fixation on spectacle that will likely exhaust you long before the game is done, likely salvaged by the ability for you to set your own pace through missions in the main.

I adore that. I adore that with millions of dollars and hundreds of people, Destiny turned out how it has. A silly, fluff piece stuffed with a distinct lack of self awareness, a constant stream of words that may well have popped out in that order from the mouth of an overexcited six year old describing their own fantastical story “and then the dog farted and the alien landed on the left teddy and the cow jumped over the moon, THE MOON OF DEATH” that’s maybe more Axecop than whatever was in the mind of the writers. It is FPS Videogame:The Videogame.

It’s refreshing in its willingness to be bullshit and to double down on that bullshit at every single opportunity. I worry in a few more hours it’ll replace EYE:Divine Cybermancy as ‘best unfathomable bollocks in games” but beyond that, I hope it continues down the path of drivel for another 30 hours. I figured its nonsense would be exhausting but in all truthfulness, it drives me on. I get the feeling I’ve still barely touched the sides of Destiny’s bullshit story and I can’t wait to see just how much worse it’ll get.